Jessica’s Blog

From Fear to Freedom: My Journey of Healing

The world moved in slow motion as the heavens seemed to open, as if they could feel the decade of pain and trauma I had endured. My heart pounded so hard I thought it might burst from my chest. Police sirens echoed from every direction. I knew I had only seconds—to run to him, or finally escape him.

Years of abuse flashed through my mind. My soul screamed for me to turn and run. I heard him screaming as I sprinted away, faster than I ever had. As I pulled out of the parking lot, I lost sight of him. Passing the police, I felt a flicker of hope: maybe it was over? If he was caught, “Dave” would face 5–10 years in prison. Maybe I would finally be safe.

But even behind bars, he kept harassing me. I tried to ignore it, hoping it would stop. Meanwhile, I was searching for myself through therapy groups at the methadone clinic. The longer I stayed sober, the more I realized my heroin addiction was a symptom of deeper mental health struggles. I needed to find the root of my pain.
In 2020, after four years at the clinic, I got a new counselor who agreed it was time to detox and move forward. She recommended I reach out to KCSARC and explore exposure therapy. I’d heard the warnings—how intense and life-shaking it could be—but I was ready.

Six months in, after unpacking the horrors of addiction, my therapist gently told me it was time to confront my sexual assault. It was something I had buried so deeply I pretended it never happened. My anxiety was constant. I jumped when people got close. I couldn’t feel clean in the shower. I was terrified of sex and never found joy or fulfillment in it.

This was the hardest therapy I’d ever done—and I’m so grateful I did it. My therapist helped me understand that being a heroin addict didn’t mean I deserved the attack. I was still a person. Consent still mattered. That truth took weeks to fully sink in, but it changed everything. The shame and blame began to lift. I realized my anxiety wouldn’t kill me, even when it felt like it might.

As I healed and grew into myself, I told my therapist that “Dave” was still harassing me, despite years of no contact. She gave me a reality check: I didn’t have to live like this. When I shared the full extent of the abuse, we began unpacking it together.

I had always thought domestic violence meant physical harm. But she taught me it was more than that—coercion, forced sex, financial control, isolation, addiction, objectification, and degradation were all forms of abuse. Based on his history and behavior, he was dangerous. She urged me to seek a Domestic Violence Protection Order (DVPO) and connected me with a legal advocate at KCSARC.

Even though my therapist said I was ready to move on, she kept me on her caseload through the legal process. With my advocate’s help, I obtained a DVPO based on emotional abuse and potential harm. But as his release from prison approached, my order expired—and the fear came rushing back.

Thanks to everything I’d learned in therapy, I stayed sober and returned to KCSARC for help securing another DVPO. I shared my fear of having to repeat this process every year. My advocate said we’d try for a rare 30-year, lifetime DVPO.

After months of preparation, courage, and support, I was granted the order. I cried, knowing I could finally close this chapter of sexual assault, abuse, and fear.

Eight years later, I look back on that scared, traumatized, addicted girl on a dark, wet May night—and I barely recognize her. Today, I am outgoing, artistic, and brave. I love life. I’m still in therapy and still have anxiety, but I’ve learned how to work through it. I’m happily married, help run our family-owned brewery, have two cats, and live next door to my best friend. I’ve had the privilege of helping other women on their journeys through sobriety, healing, and reclaiming their lives.

Because of the hard work, intense therapy, and unwavering support I received, I’ve built a life without fear.

You don’t have to live in fear. Healing and change are uncomfortable. They take immense courage. But we do heal. And we do recover.

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