Блог Сары

When a close friend at the local police department was shot and critically injured on the job, I struggled when my police officer husband had to return to work. I leaned on my best friend the night he went back and spent the night at her house, trying to keep my mind off of what had happened.

Never in a million years did I expect to be sexually assaulted that night, in my already heightened vulnerability, by her boyfriend.

Both my friend and her boyfriend had been drinking heavily that evening. At some point my friend went to bed, and I decided to do the same. I told him I was going to sleep, turned off the lights, and climbed into bed, when he suddenly climbed in too. He started touching me inappropriately. I pushed him off and moved to my friend’s bedroom seeking safety, thinking he wouldn’t follow me. He did. And he sexually assaulted me while she slept beside us.

I wish I had had the courage to leave. But I had been drinking and didn’t want to put myself in another dangerous situation. I ran back into the guest room and called my husband sobbing. I told him what happened. As a lifelong people pleaser, I minimized the situation and told him I was safe now and would leave in the morning. I didn’t want to stress my husband out even more on top of his already stressful return to work. When I left in the morning, I knew I needed to tell my friend. I remember sitting on my bed, shaking, trying to convince myself to call her. I finally did and told her everything. She got quiet and said she’d talk to him. At first, I thought she believed me.

But I was wrong. I quickly realized that things started changing between us. Our frequent text messages started to dwindle to the point where we were barely talking.

Then one day, while I was at work, about to facilitate a training session, I received a text from her. She told me that she didn’t believe my story and that she would have woken up if “that” had actually happened. I remember being paralyzed at that moment. I was hit by so many emotions at once, emotions that I didn’t have the space to process right then and there because I had employees filtering into the room and had to put on a brave face for the next four hours.

After the session was over, I sat in the room and reread the message over and over. As angry as I was, this became such a pivotal moment for me. It was the first time in my life that I realized that my people pleasing tendencies weren’t serving me and that I needed to stand up for myself, even if it meant losing a friend. This sparked a series of critical events in my life that led to healing, strength, and valuing my self-worth.

I responded to her and told her that I couldn’t be friends with someone who didn’t believe something as serious as this. And I made the commitment at that moment that I was going to find a way to empower others to stand up for and advocate for themselves.

In the moment, dealing with the situation felt impossible. But I found a really incredible therapist, a supportive group of friends, and leaned on my husband and brother. When I needed an objective, empathetic perspective, I leveraged KCSARC’s Resource Line. I invested time and energy into healing.

Looking back, I am proud that I stood up for myself, and I don’t even recognize the person that I was. If there’s one thing I want other survivors to take away from my story, it’s this: you know your truth. You deserve to be believed. And you deserve to heal. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Leverage your friends and family to lean on. If you’re feeling alone and aren’t sure where to start, KCSARC’s Resource Line is available to you to help get you through this. You’re not alone, and it will get better.

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