Keeping Secrets Removes All Light - Leaving Us Alone in the Dark

After watching the movie Titanic, I decided that going on a cruise       would never be an option. I witnessed people swimming franticly for help in sub-zero water or holding onto something to keep them afloat. It seemed like a frightening way to die.

I’ve spent most of my life treading water, fighting to stay alive, or giving up, thinking death would be the best way out.

I’m a survivor of incest, rape, and ritualistic abuse. I’ve spent most of my life in therapy. I’ve seen psychiatrists, psychologists, various counselors and spent three weeks in a psychiatrist hospital. Those sources where good and pulled me through some tough years. However, over time I always wound up treading water; wanting to give up.

One desperate day in 2006, while on-line, I found KCSARC, and somehow retrieved the courage to give them a call. I felt desperate. I needed help. Life had become too complex and required too much energy.

I began group counseling at KCSARC, though I was quite nervous not knowing what to expect. I was afraid I’d do or say something wrong. I didn’t feel good about myself. I thought I had to be perfect. I barely spoke the first few meetings.

 After three months I can say I’d never experienced a more perfect program.  It was different from any other counseling I’d been through. I felt like a new person. Learning that I wasn’t the only one with the same feelings, doubts and fears surprised me. I had grown. I felt free and I knew KCSARC would always be there for me.

About a year ago I had a setback. There were many suppressed memories I’d never talked about. I gave KCSARC a call and thankfully I was given the opportunity to start counseling again, only this time it would be different. It would be one on one.

KCSARC had thrown me a life line. I went in treading water my body was tired, and ready to give up. I felt ashamed and unworthy of anyone’s love, however, every week I’d have a session and every week I learned something new about myself or life in general. There were days when I’d cry for hours or get angry, and days when I felt like giving up, but I kept going back each week.

I also experienced something new at these sessions. I was going to receive homework. I figured that would be alright until I learned about the diversity of homework I’d be receiving. There was journaling, worksheets, different of kinds of graphs and plenty of conversing with my therapist. However, I was unprepared for reliving my repressed memories and walking through them repeatedly, but I believe it is that precise technique that brought me to a place of wellness and healing. It’s the place I find myself now, a place of peace and acceptance of who I am. KCSARC became my safe haven. My therapist was always there for me no matter what. I felt safely adrift and KCSARC had given me the oars to paddle ashore. It wasn’t always easy, but thanks to the care, guidance and dedication of my therapist I’m back on solid ground, no more shifting sand.

Speaking out loud about my secrets and unlocking my memories turned a light on within me. I had more clarity and a sense of belonging.

KCSARC is always there for anyone who needs help. They change lives. They understand and they have the knowledge to help survivors of abuse. They give people courage and hope.

Walking into KCSARC gives me a feeling of comfort, support and unconditional acceptance. The staff are truly dedicated to helping each person find their pathway in life. They sincerely care, and they give tools that will last a lifetime.  They are always there to listen.


that's how it works you share

that's how it works you share you feel good.. :) its good to know that you are doing good now, hope you forget all the miseries you had in your life.

Reply to comment | King County Sexual Assault Resource Center

This site really has all of the info I needed concerning this subject and didn't know
who to ask.

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.

More information about formatting options