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| how to help a woman who is a survivor of childhood sexual assault: |
When a survivor tells you that she was sexually abused, she is entrusting you with a part of her life that is painful, frightening, and vulnerable. These guidelines can help you honor that trust and assist her in healing:
BELIEVE THE SURVIVOR. Even if she sometimes doubts herself, even if her memories are vague, even if what she tells you sounds too extreme, believe her. Women don’t make up stories of abuse. Let her know that you are open to hearing anything she wishes to share, and that although it’s painful and upsetting, you are willing to enter those difficult places with her and to receive her words with respect.
JOIN WITH THE SURVIVOR
in validating the damage. All abuse is harmful. Even if it’s not violent, overtly physical, or repeated, all abuse has serious consequences. There is no positive or neutral experience of sexual abuse.SUPPORT THE SURVIVOR.
In instances of childhood abuse be clear that abuse is never the child’s fault. No child seduces an abuser. Children ask for affection and attention, not for sexual abuse. Even if a child responds sexually, even if she wasn’t forced or didn’t protest, it is still never the child’s fault. It is always the responsibility of the adult not to be sexual with the child.EDUCATE YOURSELF
about sexual abuse and the healing process. If you have a basic idea of what the survivor is going through, it will help you to be supportive.EXPRESS
YOUR COMPASSION. If you have feelings of outrage, compassion, and pain for her pain, do share them. There is probably nothing more comforting than a genuine human response. Just make sure your feelings don’t overwhelm hers.RESPECT
the time, energy and space it takes to heal. Healing is a slow process that can’t be hurried.ENCOURAGE
the survivor to get support. In addition to offering your own caring, encourage her to reach out to others.GET HELP
if the survivor is suicidal. Most survivors are not suicidal, but sometimes the pain of the abuse is so devastating that a she may want to harm herself. If you are close to a survivor who is suicidal, get help immediately. ACCEPT that there will very likely be major changes in your relationship with the survivor as she heals. She is changing, and as she does, you may need to change in response.This material was generously shared by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis,
authors of The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
To
get support for you or your friend, call King County Sexual Assault
Resource 24-hour Resource Line:
go to Information for Adult Survivors
King County Sexual Assault Resource Center
Copyright © 2007 KCSARC. All rights reserved.
Revised: 08/01/07